So my self imposed year of 'dating-so-it-doesn't-matter' is almost up. This was brave new experiment in dating men who were not 'really' available. After an almost 15-year marriage and some serious heartache I decided to only date "Mr. Wrong" as in right for right now- but wrong for future dreams and happily ever after.
It led to some interesting situations. For the most part- anyone who was a candidate for 'riding-off-into-the-sunset' was voted of the island on the first date. And that went well for awhile. I will share tales of 'open' relationships and dating- what a total cluster fuck that has been. Can I just say- don't believe the hype by sista's and brotha's. I have found that those who purport to be the most 'open' are in fact the most conventional and jealous. Lets just say I got my ass kicked in a few ways... Things are not as a they appear.
That said- I have met two really, really nice men - and then there is my ongoing 'situation' with Mumbles that is evolving as some seriously bad mojo got interjected through a door he opened. Things are evolving there. I learned a lot about false appearances and the pettiness and cruelty of jealousy when denied by its holder.
I am less then a month away from possibly exiting my self imposed "don't-take-it-seriously" exile and find myself dating someone who I really like. Its way, way too soon- but I think I like him in that look into the future and smile kind of way... In other words, I have a big crush on someone who is really an appropriate guy to be crushed out on. And, I think, he has a bit of a crush on me as well. I really like him- he is smart, sexy, and nice.
This is my first big crush with an open ended visage since I started dating "the ex" back in the day. Right now, I am just observing and taking it all in.
Wednesday, July 20, 2011
Monday, July 18, 2011
Cast of Characters and Back Story
OK- so about two years ago- I found myself:
a) without my husband
b) 80-pounds lighter with a hardbody and bootie for days
c) writing a profile on OK Cupid
Those elements combined with an onboard sense of adventure have led me into some entertaining situations. I took one year off to mourn and do therapy and the last 12-months to "date". Let me give you a list of the current cast of characters:
Accidental MILF- me - old as fuck and given that name by some friend or two or three... anyway, I am pushing 50 and need more botox now! I also have young kids -so I am the babies and botox generation for sure.
The Manor- the crazy house I rent
Za-za- the three year old who is cute as the dickens but basically channels Linda Blair's character in the exorcist
The Queen- the four year old- she thinks she is in charge
OK- now for the men:
The Ex - loved him too death and then he got broken. I am the sole supporter for our merry band of marauders
Mumbles - formerly known as "Smitten" - trouble with a capital "T" and presented as in an open relationship- which appears to be more theoretical than actual as recent events have revealed -- need I say more? Oh, I will....
Stop Motion- lovely - complicated - where we stand is to be determined - I have great fondness for him
SoulSurfer - sigh!!!! I really like this guy... it's very new
There are a few other characters- but no real players. But 'oh my' are there epic numbers of first dates to be shared... tales to be woven and told. Grab a scorecard- because the games are about to begin!
a) without my husband
b) 80-pounds lighter with a hardbody and bootie for days
c) writing a profile on OK Cupid
Those elements combined with an onboard sense of adventure have led me into some entertaining situations. I took one year off to mourn and do therapy and the last 12-months to "date". Let me give you a list of the current cast of characters:
Accidental MILF- me - old as fuck and given that name by some friend or two or three... anyway, I am pushing 50 and need more botox now! I also have young kids -so I am the babies and botox generation for sure.
The Manor- the crazy house I rent
Za-za- the three year old who is cute as the dickens but basically channels Linda Blair's character in the exorcist
The Queen- the four year old- she thinks she is in charge
OK- now for the men:
The Ex - loved him too death and then he got broken. I am the sole supporter for our merry band of marauders
Mumbles - formerly known as "Smitten" - trouble with a capital "T" and presented as in an open relationship- which appears to be more theoretical than actual as recent events have revealed -- need I say more? Oh, I will....
Stop Motion- lovely - complicated - where we stand is to be determined - I have great fondness for him
SoulSurfer - sigh!!!! I really like this guy... it's very new
There are a few other characters- but no real players. But 'oh my' are there epic numbers of first dates to be shared... tales to be woven and told. Grab a scorecard- because the games are about to begin!
Back To Blogging
I know its been tumbleweeds around here- but....
Let me give you a status update:
1) Was totally romanced- all was well
2) Got my ass kicked - or more like got my heart kicked
3) Recovered remarkably quickly - but shed a few tears
4) Operating and dating with more balance these days
I really allowed myself to be wooed by Smitten. Smitten is still in the picture, I am just a lot more realistic about the role he will play in my life. And realize that I want to date men who can and will play a different role.
Ultimately, I do want to be with someone who can commit to being emotionally available and with whom I can consistently spend 2-4 times a week. I am not sure I want the whole family thing, or the daily contact of living together- but I do want a go to person emotionally and I do want someone whose wants to spend time together regularly and who I least talk/text/email/etc. daily.
Let me give you a status update:
1) Was totally romanced- all was well
2) Got my ass kicked - or more like got my heart kicked
3) Recovered remarkably quickly - but shed a few tears
4) Operating and dating with more balance these days
I really allowed myself to be wooed by Smitten. Smitten is still in the picture, I am just a lot more realistic about the role he will play in my life. And realize that I want to date men who can and will play a different role.
Ultimately, I do want to be with someone who can commit to being emotionally available and with whom I can consistently spend 2-4 times a week. I am not sure I want the whole family thing, or the daily contact of living together- but I do want a go to person emotionally and I do want someone whose wants to spend time together regularly and who I least talk/text/email/etc. daily.
Monday, April 11, 2011
Dating Update
Wow, what a few weeks. I have been seriously wooed by "Smitten" and its been fantastic.
Come on! Whats not to love about getting to spend hours together in the studio creating new works; plotting collaborative art pieces; working out together at various gyms, pools, and yoga studios; writing epic missives; cooking for each other; laughing until we are literally crying; and generally having a blast!
So my heart wasn't broken when the guy I went out with last Thursday never called for our Friday night date. I had already made other plans and was in Sonoma have Shabbat dinner with a friend and his family (two gay couples co-parenting a couple of kids- lovely!) and enjoying a magnificent sunset over a wine country valley. The evening was filled with conversations of our work, art and listening to the beauty of my friend's partner's piano playing. It was one of those evenings where I felt warmed by the love of old friends opening their home to me.
I am still trying to nail down a date with the Friday night date of last week. Lets just call him "Stop Motion" He is still captivates my imagination. And part of it is a balancing thing too complicated to describe here- but relevant in a way to Smitten.
Smitten and I had a few lovely dates last week... in addition to our usual, we also went to the theater on Saturday returning home late to drink champagne and eat the lovely meal he prepared- at my request foods from the sea... peppered prawns served with mango and avocado... and other delicacies... it was nice to be cooked for...
All that said- I am juggling calendars with Stop Motion and Cuba (Cuba is a Cuban salsa instructor and DJ who, of course, knows a million of people in common with me). I am also playing calendars with Boyfriend of Former Roommate... and have quite honestly let the Crazy Liberian, Crazy Belgian, Crazy Eritrean, and Crazy Burner fall to the wayside. One of those dates was so painful I wanted to chew my own arm off to escape.
This week I am under heinous deadlines so that combined with three evening dates scheduled with Smitten this week has me out of the dating pool until next week.
Come on! Whats not to love about getting to spend hours together in the studio creating new works; plotting collaborative art pieces; working out together at various gyms, pools, and yoga studios; writing epic missives; cooking for each other; laughing until we are literally crying; and generally having a blast!
So my heart wasn't broken when the guy I went out with last Thursday never called for our Friday night date. I had already made other plans and was in Sonoma have Shabbat dinner with a friend and his family (two gay couples co-parenting a couple of kids- lovely!) and enjoying a magnificent sunset over a wine country valley. The evening was filled with conversations of our work, art and listening to the beauty of my friend's partner's piano playing. It was one of those evenings where I felt warmed by the love of old friends opening their home to me.
I am still trying to nail down a date with the Friday night date of last week. Lets just call him "Stop Motion" He is still captivates my imagination. And part of it is a balancing thing too complicated to describe here- but relevant in a way to Smitten.
Smitten and I had a few lovely dates last week... in addition to our usual, we also went to the theater on Saturday returning home late to drink champagne and eat the lovely meal he prepared- at my request foods from the sea... peppered prawns served with mango and avocado... and other delicacies... it was nice to be cooked for...
All that said- I am juggling calendars with Stop Motion and Cuba (Cuba is a Cuban salsa instructor and DJ who, of course, knows a million of people in common with me). I am also playing calendars with Boyfriend of Former Roommate... and have quite honestly let the Crazy Liberian, Crazy Belgian, Crazy Eritrean, and Crazy Burner fall to the wayside. One of those dates was so painful I wanted to chew my own arm off to escape.
This week I am under heinous deadlines so that combined with three evening dates scheduled with Smitten this week has me out of the dating pool until next week.
Monday, April 4, 2011
Princes and Frogs
So, a few times in my life... I have gone out with men where there is an electrical current that is not merely about the chemistry of lust and attraction, but about that combined with shared intellectual interests, wack sense of humor, a compulsion to create art, and the ability banter about any and all topics with integrity.
Most of the time its all about frogs. I had pretty much thought there were no more epic love stories available to me- that my mature loves would be short stories of partial meetings. And then, I met someone who knocked me off my axis for awhile- passion, chemistry and shared interests captivated my heart and imagination.
This is "Smitten". Its lovely on many levels to be with him. We are compatible on many, many levels-- ranging from romance to workouts; enjoying quiet meals to creating art; talking about literature to sharing our writings... and there is chemistry!!
However, as I have mentioned- as much as I adore "Smitten" I think at some point I will want more than he wants to offer. At some point, I want that guy who I come home to or at least share 3-4 nights a week with. I am not looking for a baby-daddy, a meal ticket, or a suga' daddy; I am looking for that guy who 'gets me' and is there for me love and be loved by more often than not. I have a lot of that with "Smitten" and he is a delight and fun; however, ultimately, I think I am going to want to share some of daily life even if it is on a part time basis. "Smitten" made it clear that is not his schtick and I totally respect that and love that about him.
It also means that I date.
Right now dating and weekends away; stolen moments; and epic romancing are super satisfying, but I feel a shift towards a quieter style of love and romance. One that entails the dalliances afforded by living or spending routine time together.
All that said, I am growing weary of dating. And after Thursday's date had decided to hang up my heels for a few quiet months of self reflection, double workouts and more studio time. And then... I had an incredible first date on Friday....
Ladies and gentleman- there is more to the story...
Most of the time its all about frogs. I had pretty much thought there were no more epic love stories available to me- that my mature loves would be short stories of partial meetings. And then, I met someone who knocked me off my axis for awhile- passion, chemistry and shared interests captivated my heart and imagination.
This is "Smitten". Its lovely on many levels to be with him. We are compatible on many, many levels-- ranging from romance to workouts; enjoying quiet meals to creating art; talking about literature to sharing our writings... and there is chemistry!!
However, as I have mentioned- as much as I adore "Smitten" I think at some point I will want more than he wants to offer. At some point, I want that guy who I come home to or at least share 3-4 nights a week with. I am not looking for a baby-daddy, a meal ticket, or a suga' daddy; I am looking for that guy who 'gets me' and is there for me love and be loved by more often than not. I have a lot of that with "Smitten" and he is a delight and fun; however, ultimately, I think I am going to want to share some of daily life even if it is on a part time basis. "Smitten" made it clear that is not his schtick and I totally respect that and love that about him.
It also means that I date.
Right now dating and weekends away; stolen moments; and epic romancing are super satisfying, but I feel a shift towards a quieter style of love and romance. One that entails the dalliances afforded by living or spending routine time together.
All that said, I am growing weary of dating. And after Thursday's date had decided to hang up my heels for a few quiet months of self reflection, double workouts and more studio time. And then... I had an incredible first date on Friday....
Ladies and gentleman- there is more to the story...
Sunday, April 3, 2011
What Its Like Out There
Recent email off of OK Cupid.
hi, would you be interested in taking my virginity? If you are interested please let me know. You are really beautiful btw. If you want I will send you a picture so you can see what I look like. I have been told I am cute and good looking. I tried uploading a picture on here but it wouldnt let me. whats your email and i will send it over.
Thoughts?
hi, would you be interested in taking my virginity? If you are interested please let me know. You are really beautiful btw. If you want I will send you a picture so you can see what I look like. I have been told I am cute and good looking. I tried uploading a picture on here but it wouldnt let me. whats your email and i will send it over.
Thoughts?
Friday, April 1, 2011
About Last Night...
So last night was yet another first date. Albeit, a rather fun one. My first dates evolve from two sources; random guys I meet living my life (this week's include; car wash, grocery store, and college where the art studio I work in is located) and OK Cupid. I actually seem to have better luck with the guys off the cyber site than the ones I meet in-real-life.
So context... I have been dating -- non-exclusively -- someone who I click with on many levels. There is crazy good chemistry, intellectual parlance, shared art practices, similar drives and ambitions, comparably insane commitments to fitness, and a bunch of other stuff in common. We have been quite smitten with each other. However, I think that I, ultimately, want something that is not a fit in terms of future relationship stuff; this gives me pause and rather than bemoan it- I continue to date. So my heart is not totally unencumbered as I waltz out on date after date after date.
Of course, who the hell knows what I want- did I mention I am just in the midst of divorcing. So anyhow...
Back to last night... I headed out wearing a short little black dress, bare legs and the red cowboy boots. Its finally warm and I was headed to a trendy place in downtown Oakland; his choice. Fantastic spot! He was utterly charming, attractive and fun. Lets call him "Marketing Man". We had a delightful dinner; mussles and prawns, lovely wine, and lots of banter. We moved to the bar and flirted for another hour or so. Not bad for a first date. Its always a good sign when things move past the first obligatory hour and a half.
He had hilarious cyber dating stories about being matched with his ex-girlfriend and then going out on a horrendous first date where the date neglected to mention she had a 3-month old baby (he knew about the older child)... in another twist of kismet that ill-fated date was revisited when his ex-girlfriend was matched with that woman's baby-daddy! Classic.
We already have another date planned. It should be fun. Of course, now, without me saying a word- ahhhh, he needs a name- lets just call the Artist who I am dating "Smitten". Smitten is suddenly ramping up the romancing in a substantial way- discussing new future vistas. Interesting.
Tonight is another first date. This guy a film maker...
So context... I have been dating -- non-exclusively -- someone who I click with on many levels. There is crazy good chemistry, intellectual parlance, shared art practices, similar drives and ambitions, comparably insane commitments to fitness, and a bunch of other stuff in common. We have been quite smitten with each other. However, I think that I, ultimately, want something that is not a fit in terms of future relationship stuff; this gives me pause and rather than bemoan it- I continue to date. So my heart is not totally unencumbered as I waltz out on date after date after date.
Of course, who the hell knows what I want- did I mention I am just in the midst of divorcing. So anyhow...
Back to last night... I headed out wearing a short little black dress, bare legs and the red cowboy boots. Its finally warm and I was headed to a trendy place in downtown Oakland; his choice. Fantastic spot! He was utterly charming, attractive and fun. Lets call him "Marketing Man". We had a delightful dinner; mussles and prawns, lovely wine, and lots of banter. We moved to the bar and flirted for another hour or so. Not bad for a first date. Its always a good sign when things move past the first obligatory hour and a half.
He had hilarious cyber dating stories about being matched with his ex-girlfriend and then going out on a horrendous first date where the date neglected to mention she had a 3-month old baby (he knew about the older child)... in another twist of kismet that ill-fated date was revisited when his ex-girlfriend was matched with that woman's baby-daddy! Classic.
We already have another date planned. It should be fun. Of course, now, without me saying a word- ahhhh, he needs a name- lets just call the Artist who I am dating "Smitten". Smitten is suddenly ramping up the romancing in a substantial way- discussing new future vistas. Interesting.
Tonight is another first date. This guy a film maker...
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